This & That

This page will include stories, points to ponder, humorous messages, etc.
If you have a story, poem, or other material you would like to share please send it to LoriCaswell@Wisconsinumc.org.

This was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to "explain God". I wonder if any of us could have done as well?

EXPLANATION OF GOD:

"One of God's main jobs are making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."

"God's second most important job is listening to our prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime.

God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must! be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off." "God sees everything and he hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have."

"Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O. K."

"His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard! work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important."

"You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time." "You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God! Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway."

"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It ! is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids."

"But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And...that's why I believe in God."

Christians

- By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'.
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride."
I'm confessing that I stumble"
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian""
I'm not trying to be strong."
I'm professing that I'm weak"
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say. "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success."
I'm admitting I have failed"
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian""
I'm not claiming to be perfect,"
My flaws are far too visible"
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian""
I still feel the sting of pain."
I have my share of heartaches"
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian""
I'm not holier than thou,"
I'm just a simple sinner"
Who received God's good grace, somehow.

Windshield Message From A Child

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen, spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. "Dad, I'm thinking of something."

This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"The rain;" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away."

After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond.

"That's really good, Aspen."

Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation?

So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"

Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer: "We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."

I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.

In order to see the rainbow, you must first endure some rain.

The Emperor's Seed

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different.

He called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you."

The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today, one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!"

One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully.

Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about 3 weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks went by. Still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants but Ling didn't have a plant, and he felt like a failure. 6 months went by; still nothing in Ling's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing.

Ling didn't say anything to his friends. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection.

Ling told his mother that he wasn't going to take an empty pot but his Mother said he must be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his Mother was right.

He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey nice try."

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!"

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!"

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. "My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down.

He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn't believe it. Ling couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you.

Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!"

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But:

If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.
If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.
If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.
If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.
If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.
If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.
If you plant greed, you will reap loss.
If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.
If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.
If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

So be careful what you plant now, it will determine what you will reap tomorrow.

The seeds you now scatter will make life worse or better your life or the ones who will come after. Yes, someday, you will enjoy the fruits, or you will pay for the choices you plant today.

~ Author Unknown ~

YOU MIGHT BE A UNITED METHODIST IF......

1. You don't take Rolaids when your heart is strangely warmed.
2. You know that a circuit rider is not an electrical device .
3."The Upper Room" is as essential to your bathroom as the toilet paper.
4. You've ever owned a pair of cross and flame boxer shorts.
5. You sit while singing "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus."
6. You've ever sung a gender inclusive hymn.
7. Tithing is encouraged but widely ignored.
8. Half the people sitting in your pew lip-synch the words to the hymns.
9. The word "apportionment" sends a chill down your spine.
10. You realize pluralism isn't a communicable disease.
11. Names like Aldersgate, Asbury and Epworth are familiar.
12. You consider the monthly potluck a sacrament.
13. The only church camp song you know by heart is "Kum ba yah."
14. You've ever attended an Annual Conference and actually enjoyed it.
15. You have an unexplained yearning to visit Wesley's chapel in London.
16. Your church is named for a geographical location rather than for a saint.
17. You've never heard a sermon on Hell and don't feel you're missing out.
18. You realize that VBS isn't a sexually transmitted disease.
19. Pastor moves every four or five years and you like it that way (sometimes).
20. Your pastor responds to you with, "I hear what you are saying...."
21. There's at least one person in every church meeting who says, "But we've never done it that way before."
22. Your congregation's Christmas pageant include both boy and girl wise men.
23. You accept the fact that the hymn, "O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing" has almost as many stanzas as tongues.
24. You know that the Wesleyan Quadrilateral isn't a trick football play involving four lateral passes.
25. You realize that the "Book of Discipline" is not a guide to getting your child to behave.
26. You understand that an "appointment" has nothing to do with keeping a lunch date.
27. You know "UMW" stands for United Methodist Women rather than the United Mine Workers.
28.You know the difference between a "diagonal" minister and a "diaconal" minister.
29. "Good morning" has the status of a liturgical greeting in the worship service.
30. You feel a twinge of guilt when you sing "Onward Christian Soldiers" with gusto.
31. You say "trespasses" instead of "debts" in the Lord's Prayer and have no idea why.
32. Your annual conference spends most of its time debating resolutions that nobody reads.
33. You'd rather be branded with a hot iron than serve on the Nominating Committee (or SPR, Trustees, Finance, etc.)
34. You've ever sipped Welch's grape juice out of a plastic shot glass during Communion.
36. You realize that sprinkling, pouring and immersing are not ways of seasoning food.
37. You're asked to donate money to a "special offering" every other Sunday.
38. You pore over the Annual Conference Journal with the same intensity you would read a John Grisham novel.
39. You have to fight through a cadre of "designated greeters" to get into the sanctuary.
40. When the worship service lasts for more than one hour the beeping of watch alarms drowns out the final hymn.

A man on a weekend business trip took Sunday morning off to be with the Lord.

He found a nearby church, arrived there early, parked his car, and got out. Another car pulled up along side him and the driver got out and said,"Excuse me, sir, I always park there!-- You took my place!"

The visitor went inside for Sunday School, found an empty seat, and sat down. A young lady from the church approached him and stated, "Sir, that's my seat... You took my place."

He was somewhat miffed by this rude welcome, but said nothing.

After Sunday School, the man went into the sanctuary and sat down. Another member walked up to him and said, "That's where I always sit, you must be new here...You're in my place!"

Even more disturbed by this treatment, he still said nothing.

Later as the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them, the visitor stood up, and his appearance began to change.... Horrible scars were clearly visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet, as his suit changed into a robe. As He walked out someone noticed him and called out, "What happened to you?" As a tear fell from His eye, He looked back and said, "I took your place....."

Pumpkins

Never looked at it like this before..............

A woman was asked by a coworker,
"What is it like to be a Christian?"
The coworker replied,
"It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch,
brings you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off the top
and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.,
and then He carves you a new smiling face
and puts His light inside of you
to shine for all the world to see."

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